1. The world would be a much better place if we would all just sit down and have a conversation.
2. Controversy is the key to publicity.
3. I'm saved, but it's no big deal.
4. It's totally (un)cool to (not) use parentheses.
5. I blog, therefore I am.
6. Any form of criticism is probably just a big misunderstanding.
7. Whatever Brian McLaren says, goes.
8. Using big words is a really easy way to win theological arguments. E.g., "Au contraire, I believe using a deconstructive hermeneutic is far superior, in light of the postmodern tendency to reject the metanarrative."
9. If you have a problem, it's probably theological.
10. Don't judge a book by its cover; judge it by its endorsements.
11. If it's written in red, it's more important.
12. It's not the size of the church that counts, it's how you use it.
13. Swearing and drinking are acceptable, even encouraged.
14. Worship music is shitty (See #13).
15. When in doubt, deconstruct.
16. Using Latin words and phrases in place of English ones not only sounds more authoritative, it totally ups your street cred.
17. If all else fails, hold a conference/convention.
18. Tradition is overrated.
19. Mi casa, su church.
20. Everything Must Change.
What are your satirical learnings from the emerging church?
*Disclaimer: Although I hope it is obvious, I should mention that this post is satirical in nature and doesn't actually reflect my views of the emerging church conversation. You can get a good idea of what I really think by reading a paper I wrote called , published online at Precipice Magazine in May 2007.
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