Red planet hypothetical

(Hypothetical Thursday is much more fun if you leave a comment with your answer and reasoning and engage with other commenters as to why they are/aren’t insane for choosing their answer. Have at it!)

You have the opportunity to be the first human to live on Mars via a NASA-sponsored solo mission. You will be the first person to step onto the red surface of the fourth planet, while humanity watches the broadcast on television and the internet. The only requirement is that you must leave in six months and live on Mars for ten years, performing various scientific experiments and preparing things for the first multinational group of humans who will arrive immediately before you depart.

You will have contact with Earth while you’re there, and you’ll be able to have video conversations with friends and loved ones. Additionally, you’ll be an instant celebrity and your name will be written in the books of history.

If it was guaranteed that you would survive the mission and return to Earth in ten years in perfect health, would you agree to the mission?

Desktop

my desktop (01/24/08), originally uploaded by jakebouma on flickr.

This is where the magic happens, although I believe things would be much more magical on a Mac.

Wait staff hypothetical

You are being deported.

The USCIS is giving you two options for your destination country: Country A and Country B, respectively.

In Country A, all of the waiters and waitresses are very invasive. They visit your table far too often; asking if you’d like refills when your cup is still 3/4 full, asking how your food tastes two seconds after it has arrived at your table, etc (You know the type). They’re very cordial, but extremely annoying.

In Country B, all of the waiters and waitresses are very distant and apathetic. They visit your table far too infrequently; they never refill your drinks, they don’t care about your dining experience at all, etc (You know the type). They’re insincere and very annoying.

These are the only bits of information you are provided about these countries. As far as you know, other than having opposite sides of the wait staff continuum, these countries are nearly identical in every other category (geographic location, population, GNP, per capita income, et al.).

Which country do you choose, and why?

Hypothetical Thursday

This is the beginning of a series of original weekly posts which pose hypothetical questions. I am fascinated by “what if?” and “would you rather?” questions, so I thought I’d write some and post them here just for fun. Join in by leaving a comment with your answer and/or explanation. [Photo courtesy of kimonomania]

You’re sitting in the doctor’s office, just having finished your annual physical exam. No news; you’re in good health, so you stand up to leave and the nurse walks in again. The nurse assures you everything is fine, but he’d like to ask you an important question. You’ve been randomly selected to participate in a very important scientific experiment, one that less than one tenth of a percent of patients have the opportunity to do.

He gently explains that brain scientists have been researching and experimenting with drugs that produce instant knowledge by targeting nano-specific areas of the brain. You have the option of being administered a shot that has a 50% chance of immediately making you fluent in two foreign languages of your choice (while still retaining your native tongue). After taking the shot, he explains, you will immediately be fluent in these languages with no sign of an accent; they’ll feel totally natural rolling off the tongue, as if you’ve been speaking them since infancy. But there’s only a 1 in 2 chance of this happening. They’re still working some kinks out, the nurse says.

Unlike most experimental drugs, which produce a myriad of side-effects, this shot only produces one, but it’s a big one. If the shot fails in making you fluent (a 50/50 chance), there is then a %90 chance that you will lose the ability to taste for the rest of your life. You will still be able to eat and drink as normal, but you will have no recognition of taste.

Again the nurse reminds you that this has been thoroughly tested, and these are the only two possible effects of this experimental shot. It is not a requirement to participate, but all you need to do to opt in is sign the page and mark which two languages you’d like.

Do you take the shot? Why or why not?

H. Res. 847 is absolutely absurd

H. Res. 847: Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith has passed the House of Representatives and is on its way to a vote in the Senate. It’s not long at all; I encourage you to read the whole thing (if you can make it that far without vomiting). Here’s an excerpt from the end:

Resolved, That the House of Representatives–

(1) recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world;
(2) expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide;
(3) acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;
(4) acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization;
(5) rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide; and
(6) expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world.

So much for separation of church and state, I guess. And to top it all off, the congressman who introduced the bill, Steve King, is from Iowa. I’m ashamed.

When nine members of congress voted “No”, King said,

I would like to know how they could vote… No on Christianity when the foundation of this nation and our American culture is Christianity… I think there’s an assault on Christianity in America.

The following acronym accurately defines my reaction: OMG.

What are your thoughts on H. Res. 847?

(ht: Nathan Rice)

Christmas List, Yo

This would still be hilarious, even if it wasn’t my friends and former co-workers.

I’ve been Simpsonized

Go ahead, Simpsonize yourself.

Jake likes to…

Thanks to my older brother for the idea. The rules of this game are quite simple. Google your name followed by “likes to” and enclose the whole thing in quotes (i.e., “Jake likes to”). I will post the first ten results below, and you should do the same and leave a comment with the funniest one for you.

1) Jake likes to ‘Flomp’ wherever he can.
2) Jake likes to scare other monsters! Boo!
3) Jake Likes to be alone.
4) As a student Jake likes to play basketball and his favorite subject is Language Arts.
5) Jake likes to talk big, but he’s really more of an executive assistant than anything else.
6) Jake likes to think he knows a thing or two about swimming, cycling, and running in needless succession, and is forever in pursuit of one day returning to his first job as a minor league baseball mascot.
7) Jake likes to eat poopoo
8) Jake likes to drive the tractor.
9) Jake likes to help with chores.
10) Jake likes to say “Wow-ee!”

Celebrity counterparts

I’m not sure which celebrity resemblance I am more proud of; the pulchritudinous Teen Choice Award-winning star of One Tree Hill, or one of the central founders of thermodynamics.

http://www.myheritage.com

The Wonder Register

It’s been a busy time for me lately. Graduation, job-hunting, moving back home, etc., have all kept me from blogging as frequently as I’d like. I’ll post about all that stuff in due time, but while you wait, here is an essay I wrote for the Des Moines Register. They’re seeking “a new group of Young Adult Contributors… to bring new voices and fresh viewpoints to the Register’s online site and our opinion pages,” and in addition, “those selected will get a blog at DesMoinesRegister.com/blogs and will be invited to the Register for a discussion of issues of interest to young Iowans.” I’ll let you know if I am selected. The following is my application essay:

·································

Recently I pulled the car to the side of the road and purchased a twenty-five cent cup of raspberry lemonade from a child entrepreneur. Sitting on the table beside the requisite cups and pitcher was a toy cash register. I assumed the toy was just for looks – a subliminal message of legitimacy to drive up sales – but when I paid with a dollar bill I could not have been more astounded. The girl pressed a button on the thing and the next five seconds can only be described as surreal. Surely time has inflated my memory of the incident, but I remember bells ringing, plastic pieces moving in perfect harmony, and a large container of cash whirring out from underneath the device. She coolly changed out my dollar bill, closed the wonder-register and politely said thank you. Frankly, I don’t even remember if the lemonade was any good; I couldn’t stop thinking about the toy cash register.

It hasn’t always been this way. When I was a kid, anything that mom and dad didn’t mind breaking was a toy. In fact, something that broke was preferable – two toys for the price of one. An enormous rock in the yard was the tip of massive underground castle. A fallen branch of a tree was a bazooka (boys will be boys). The only real toy I actually remember having was the set of successively smaller colored rings on the spindle, and even those presented a world of possibilities: donuts in the morning and jewelry after dinner. I can’t help but wonder if, as toys become increasingly realistic, children are slowly losing the ability to use their imagination. More realistic does not equal superior. Perhaps it would be better to send them out into the yard for the afternoon. Their imaginations won’t let them down.

JakeBouma.com is 'Pressed and Minted, too.
All content on JakeBouma.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 License.