this ought to illicit some pretty good quotations. here’s mine from Bernard Brandon Scott’s Re-Imagine the World: An Introduction to the Parables of Jesus page 31:

“The empire of God is like moral corruption.”

“Holy wickedness waits to be discovered, and often it is by pursuing holiness that we find it.” (Kathleen Norris, “Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith”).

“In this chapter we will study how the brain affects our behavior.” (Peter Steinker, Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times)

Not Aaron — he’s soft as putty. (Peter Steinker Congregational Leadership in Anxious times p.143).

“It is one giant pile of decomposition that just happens to look like a church.” (Rick McKinley, This Beautiful Mess, page 13)

“The mind will not work. One cannot concentrate on anything.”
(Thomas Merton - Contemplative Prayer)

Q.: What does the Church call sin?
A.: Sex

Dorothy Sayers, Creed or Chaos, p 34

To say “I am going to have my quiet time alone with God” is like saying “I am meeting with God for a romantic rendezvous.”

- Kyle Lake, ReUnderstanding Prayer

oops. i forgot to include the page number: 30.

“The pastor of one church I know always checked off attendance against a membership list even before he disrobed”

Kenneth C. Haugk “Reopening the Back Door: Answers to Questions About Ministering to Inactive Members” p. 23

“Neither do I rmember any sermon preached by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.”

Rick Warren “Purpose Driven Church” p. 101

“The Christian faith no longer reigns supreme.”

Tony Jones “Postmodern Youth Ministry” p. 45

“The Bible is propaganda.”

Tony Jones “Postmodern Youth Ministry” p. 196

“I cannot stop thinking about food.”

Tony Jones “The Sacred Way” p. 160

Driscoll, Confessions of a Reformission Rev, page 34

“Most churches know who and what their dogs are but simply lack the courage to pull the trigger and shoot their dogs.”

“I don’t know why I’m fascinated with turtles.”
-Brian McLaren, “A Generous Orthodoxy”, p 232

In a video for a John Piper’s Desiring God conference, Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle says this the church is packed with “church boys” wearing “sweater vests, walking around singing love songs to Jesus.”

There is no office or litmus test for determining precisely who is an evangelical and yet we all know that not everyone who claims the label deserves it. (Roger Olson, Reformed and Always Reforming, 57)

If a system of doctrine all its factual assertions, would the Bible no longer be necessary? (Roger Olson, 163)

“The divorce rate among Christians is now within two percent of the national average. Christian teenagers are as likely as their secular peers to have premarital sex.” ( Confident Witness, Van Gelder, 261)

“The inspiration of the Bible depends upon the ignorance of the gentleman who reads it.” (Robert Ingersoll, The God and other lectures)

“And when we stand up here, brother, you’re not looking at Morris Cerullo; you’re looking at God. You’re looking at Jesus.”

- Andrew Perriman, Faith, Health & Prosperity, p.29

“For me, the idea God has spoken is an enormous relief. If I begin to doubt my manhood, if I doubt I have what it takes, I simply have to duck into the nearest bathroom and check my shorts. If God has spoken, then I have within me whatever it takes to do the things a man needs to do, to become a good man for a woman, for some kids, for an office, for whatever it is God wants me to do.”

- Donald Miller & John Macmurray, To Own a Dragon, p.108

An infinite God ought to be able to protect himself, without going in partnership with State Legislatures. Certainly he ought not so to act that laws become necessary to keep him from being laughed at. No one thinks of protecting Shakespeare from ridicule, by the threat of fine and imprisonment.
– Robert Green Ingersoll, Some Mistakes of Moses, Section III, “The Politicians,” in Works, Dresden Edition, Volume 2

“or it can be asserted that Jesus really did raise the girl from the dead – which would only reflect fundamentalist naivete.”

Fossum, Karl. “Understanding Jesus’ Miracles,” Bible Review, Vol. X, No. 2 (April 1994), p. 50.

“I do not think that anyone, anywhere, at any time brings dead people back to life.” Crossan, Dominic John. Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography, p. 82 & 95.

In his Summa Theologica, 1273, Thomas Aquinas wrote:

In revealing the fallacy of logic in the view that Jesus was simply a good teacher, Thomas Aquinas stated:
Christ was either liar, lunatic, or Lord! (Aquinas, Thomas. Statement. Nancy Gibbs, “The Message of Miracles” (New York: Time, April 10, 1995), Vol. 145, No. 15, p. 68.)

According to Columbus’ personal log, his purpose in seeking “undiscovered worlds” was to:
… bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the heathens. (Columbus, Christopher. Personal log. “Our Christian Heritage,” Letter from Plymouth Rock (Marlborough, NH: The Plymouth Rock Foundation), p. 1.)

On April 18, 1521, when the 21 year old Emperor Charles V summoned him to Diet of Worms to renounce his views, Martin Luther stated:
Here I stand; I can do no other. God help me. Amen.
(Luther, Martin. April 18, 1521, in his famous speech at the Diet of Worms. John Bartlett, Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1855, 1980), p. 155.)

Pope Leo XIII (March 2, 1810–July 20, 1903), whose given name was Gioacchino Pecci, stated in his encyclical on the condition of labor, Rerum Novarum, May 15, 1891:
Every man has by nature the right to possess property as his own.
(Pope Leo XIII. May 15, 1891, in his encyclical on the condition of labor, Rerum Novarum. John Bartlett, Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1855, 1980), p. 537.)

In describing the theory of relativity, Albert Einstein stated:
When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute—and it’s longer than any hour. That’s relativity. (Einstein, Albert. Statement describing the theory of relativity. James Beasely Simpson, Best Quotes of ’54, ’55, ’56 (New York: Thomas Y. Crowell Company, 1957), p. 188.)

The emerging church is like junior high students and sex - a lot of people talking about it, but not a lot of people actually doing it - and those that are doing it are messy - and fertile as hell!

Mark Scandrette, The Emergent Manifesto of Hope pg. 22

Before working as an addictions counselor, I made my living as a stage director in theater.

Thomas Malcolm Olson, The Emergent Manifesto of Hope pg. 93

There is little help for parents who struggle with a difficult child. There is little room for imperfect families.

Carla Barnhill, The Emergent Manifesto of Hope pg. 53

“Now if God chooses to adorn dung, he can do so.” — Martin Luther (Luthers Works 34:184)

“Every person, therefore, on coming to the knowledge of himself, is not only urged to seek God, but is also led as by the hand to find him.”
- John Calvin - Institutes, Book 1, page 53

“I admit, indeed that the expression ‘Nature is God,’ may be piously used, if dictated by a pious mind.”
- John Calvin - Institutes, Book 1, page 75

“I felt like I was watching animal porn.”

Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz pg 56

“If you have a penis, I told the group if guys, God has spoken.”

Donald Miller, To Own a Dragon pg 107

“I am fortunate to be surrounded by women who create environments that pulse with beauty and life.”

- Tim Keel, Intuitive Leadership

Rob Bell - Velvet Elvis:Repainting the Christian Faith.

“For Jesus, Everything is upside down.” page 165

“HEY! He isn’t a monster. It’s our Dad! Attack!”

-Michael Yaconelli, Dangerous Wonder p.110

“God may speak to us through Russian Communism, a flute concerto, a blossoming shrub, or a dead dog.” pg. 55

“Dogmatics does not seek to give a positive, stimulating, and edifying presentation, it deals with God, revelation, and faith, only in respect to their reflection of proclaimation.” pg. 82

Karl Barth, Church Dogmatics I.1

“‘Is that really necessary?’ Ed asked in a tiny voice, as we both measured the distance the collar put between us.”

Barbara Brown Taylor “Leaving Church”

God, Mom, people already think we’re so weird- do we have to have a woman too?

Barbara Brown Taylor “Leaving Church”

When does this end?

“They had great charisma and the right genitalia, they were the kings-in-waiting.”

The New Christians, Tony Jones, pg 47

“I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.”
The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning pg 22

Here are my 3.

PENSÉES by Blaise Pascal 1660 translated by W. F. Trotter

“They do it always, and never otherwise, nor any other thing showing mind.”

“The beak of the parrot, which it wipes, although it is clean.”

Luther: On Secular Authority: how far does the Obedience owed to it extend?
[Von Weltlicher Oberkeit]

“He would let loose the wild animals from their bonds and chains, and let them maul and tear everyone to pieces, saying all the while that really they are just fine, tame, gentle, little things.”

Surely no list would be complete without some edifying words from Stanley Hauerwas

“In the church we tell you what you can and cannot do with your genitals.” - Abortion, Theologically Understood

“I say I’m a pacifist because I’m a violent son of a bitch” - Progressive, The, April, 2003 by Colman McCarthy

So was a winner ever named?

Whilst this is not in print, I thought it was hilarious. The previous principle of a Bible College in England once said, during a lesson centred around the robbers at either side of Jesus during the crucifixion, more specifically talking about whether or not the one who asked for forgiveness got it, and exploring some of the implications that arose out of that peice of scripture he said to one student who kept making ridiculous comments “You Can’t bade your entire soteriological theology around one man dying on a cross.” The classroom errupted!